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The Daily Harbinger
Mon 12 June 2000 The Harbinger Archive
 
Information 1


Weather

Wind, rain, sun, snow, hailstone, monsoon. Delete as appropriate.

Shipping forecast
Sailing boats will have sails while steam boats will be powered by steam. Never been sure about kayaks though.

Travel
Roads are back to normal after a quiet weekend. Just one trouble spot to look out for and that is the M1 which for some reason is running from York to Bude today.

 

 
 

Millennium Swing Bridge
The newly opened Millennium Bridge in London is "meant to wobble" according to a spokesperson. The designers deliberately made it move in order to attract large crowds of people away from the Millennium Dome. "We thought that by making the bridge move, we'd be offering the public a chance to cross the Thames and have a free adventure ride", said somebody. Later this year the bridge is expected to ask for further Lottery grants as that appears to be the thing to do these days.

Tony Blair is an impostor - Gould
The Prime Minister, Tony Blair, is facing falling polls and continued media humiliation following his WI speech last week. Now, to add to all that misery, an internal memo from Labour's internal memo sender Peter Gould, and leaked to The Daily Harbinger, warned that voters thought that Mr Blair "was not real". The memo
has sent shock waves along the Millennium Bridge as Downing Street quickly try and create a real Mr Blair out of used nappies, toilet roll holders and sticky-back plastic.

NHS early warning system to be tested
The new 'Early Warning System' designed to protect patients from Shipman-like killer doctors and bungling gynaecologists like Rodney Leward, is to be tested today. Sometime during the afternoon in towns and cities across England and parts of Wales, a warning siren will be sounded. The noise, not unlike a helpful Health Centre receptionist shouting "Neeeext!" should alert local Health Authorities who will then leap into action and spot possible incompetent doctors, that up until the introduction of the new system remained undetected.

 
Information 2
 


SLIPPY index
The SLIPPY is expected to rally today and top its all time high of 3421.25 when it opens at 21.66. Expect heavy trading on all foreign stock today as Mum and Dad are away for a few days.

Tip of the day
If you find that your clothes no longer fit properly, arrange a clothes swapping party but only invite people who wear stuff that you like.

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