rain, sun, snow, hailstone, monsoon. Delete as appropriate.
Sailing boats will have sails while steam boats will be powered
by steam. Never been sure about kayaks though.
Roads are back
to normal after a quiet weekend. Just one trouble spot to look out
for and that is the M1 which for some reason is running from York
to Bude today.
opened Millennium Bridge in London is "meant to wobble" according
to a spokesperson. The designers deliberately made it move in order to
attract large crowds of people away from the Millennium Dome. "We
thought that by making the bridge move, we'd be offering the public a
chance to cross the Thames and have a free adventure ride", said
somebody. Later this year the bridge is expected to ask for further Lottery
grants as that appears to be the thing to do these days.
Blair is an impostor - Gould
Prime Minister, Tony Blair, is facing falling polls and continued media
humiliation following his WI speech last week. Now, to add to all that
misery, an internal memo from Labour's internal memo sender Peter Gould,
and leaked to The Daily Harbinger, warned that voters thought that Mr
Blair "was not real". The memo
has sent shock waves along the Millennium Bridge as Downing Street quickly
try and create a real Mr Blair out of used nappies, toilet roll holders
and sticky-back plastic.
early warning system to be tested
new 'Early Warning System' designed to protect patients from Shipman-like
killer doctors and bungling gynaecologists like Rodney Leward, is to be
tested today. Sometime during the afternoon in towns and cities across
England and parts of Wales, a warning siren will be sounded. The noise,
not unlike a helpful Health Centre receptionist shouting "Neeeext!"
should alert local Health Authorities who will then leap into action and
spot possible incompetent doctors, that up until the introduction of the
new system remained undetected.
The SLIPPY is expected to rally today and top its all
time high of 3421.25 when it opens at 21.66. Expect heavy trading
on all foreign stock today as Mum and Dad are away for a few days.
Tip of the
If you find that your clothes no longer fit properly,
arrange a clothes swapping party but only invite people who wear
stuff that you like.