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Weather
A deep depression
is moving in from the west. It's going to be living at number 25,
where that funny little man with the dog used to live.
Shopping forecast
Attention all shoppers, here is a sale warning, issued by the VAT
office at 07.26 GMT. Low prices in shops imminent.
Travel
A load of red
hot tar has been dumped onto the A34 by some men in bright yellow
jackets. It's thought that a man driving a very heavy roller is
now making matters worse by driving to and fro over it. Reports
of another man painting lines on some near by tar is unconfirmed.
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Duchess
invited to party
The 40-year-old
mother of Prince Andrews' children, Sarah Ferguson, has been invited to
a party at Windsor Castle. The BBQ, on June 21, is a chance for all those
of royal descent, and hangers on, to have a bit of a knees up to celebrate
Prince William's 18th birthday and the Queen Mother's 100th. Sarah Furguson
said: "I'm really looking forward to the BBQ. Andy and Charlie are
doing the cooking and Andy used to do funny things with chicken drumsticks
just before we split up". When pressed on whether she planned to
re-marry the Duke, Sarah Ferguson said, "Which Duke is that?".
Britney
Spears is a cartoon
The
television company Channel 4 has revealed that the singing sensation Britney
Spears is in fact a cartoon. Unconfirmed reports, and let's face it we
all thought that there was something 'odd' about her, suggest that Britney
was simply drawn for a special cartoon to celebrate the birthday of the
Prince of Wales' son, William. A spokeswoman from Buckingham Palace (who
sounded a bit like the Queen, but wasn't), said, "William will be
devastated at the news that Britney isn't a real person. He'll just have
to turn his attention to Lara Croft instead." The actress who has
been posing as a 'real-life' Britney is busy rehearsing her next role
in the Royal Shakespeare's Production of Hamlet, and was unavailable for
comment.
Queen
to blame for Millennium Bridge
The Daily
Harbinger can exclusively reveal that Queen has accepted total responsibility
for the problems surrounding the Millennium Bridge in London. The bridge,
which has had to be closed because of the Queen, was only opened to the
public on Saturday. But now in an unprecedented move, the Queen, speaking
on the Jimmy Young Show on Radio 2 said: "It's all my fault. Blame
me. I did it." When pressed by Mr Young about why she did what she
did, the Queen said: "It was just a prank".
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BLOODY index
The BLOODY index is down 418 points according to an irate
dealer. He also said that the SODDING stock market was broke.
CORRECTION
In some later editions of yesterday's Daily Harbinger,
we accidentally printed next Saturday's winning lottery numbers.
The Daily Harbinger apologises for any inconvenience or embarrassment
caused.
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