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The Daily Harbinger
Wed 14 June 2000 The Harbinger Archive
Royal Family Special
Information 1


Weather

A deep depression is moving in from the west. It's going to be living at number 25, where that funny little man with the dog used to live.

Shopping forecast
Attention all shoppers, here is a sale warning, issued by the VAT office at 07.26 GMT. Low prices in shops imminent.

Travel
A load of red hot tar has been dumped onto the A34 by some men in bright yellow jackets. It's thought that a man driving a very heavy roller is now making matters worse by driving to and fro over it. Reports of another man painting lines on some near by tar is unconfirmed.

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 
 

Duchess invited to party
The 40-year-old mother of Prince Andrews' children, Sarah Ferguson, has been invited to a party at Windsor Castle. The BBQ, on June 21, is a chance for all those of royal descent, and hangers on, to have a bit of a knees up to celebrate Prince William's 18th birthday and the Queen Mother's 100th. Sarah Furguson said: "I'm really looking forward to the BBQ. Andy and Charlie are doing the cooking and Andy used to do funny things with chicken drumsticks just before we split up". When pressed on whether she planned to re-marry the Duke, Sarah Ferguson said, "Which Duke is that?".

Britney Spears is a cartoon
The television company Channel 4 has revealed that the singing sensation Britney Spears is in fact a cartoon. Unconfirmed reports, and let's face it we all thought that there was something 'odd' about her, suggest that Britney was simply drawn for a special cartoon to celebrate the birthday of the Prince of Wales' son, William. A spokeswoman from Buckingham Palace (who sounded a bit like the Queen, but wasn't), said, "William will be devastated at the news that Britney isn't a real person. He'll just have to turn his attention to Lara Croft instead." The actress who has been posing as a 'real-life' Britney is busy rehearsing her next role in the Royal Shakespeare's Production of Hamlet, and was unavailable for comment.

Queen to blame for Millennium Bridge
The Daily Harbinger can exclusively reveal that Queen has accepted total responsibility for the problems surrounding the Millennium Bridge in London. The bridge, which has had to be closed because of the Queen, was only opened to the public on Saturday. But now in an unprecedented move, the Queen, speaking on the Jimmy Young Show on Radio 2 said: "It's all my fault. Blame me. I did it." When pressed by Mr Young about why she did what she did, the Queen said: "It was just a prank".

 
Information 2
 


BLOODY index
The BLOODY index is down 418 points according to an irate dealer. He also said that the SODDING stock market was broke.

CORRECTION
In some later editions of yesterday's Daily Harbinger, we accidentally printed next Saturday's winning lottery numbers. The Daily Harbinger apologises for any inconvenience or embarrassment caused.

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