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The Daily Harbinger
Thu 22 June 2000 The Harbinger Archive
Beckham's Special
Information


Weather

Heavy showers caught me out yesterday. I was soaked.

Hipping forecast
Expect a sharp increase in the number of hips being soaked.

Travel
Diversion ahead.

TOMORROW IN
YOUR HARBINGER

Kevin Keegan talks exclusively to The Daily Harbinger about blocked drains.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

Beckham and Posh book could be blocked
David Beckham and the mother of his son Brooklyn are considering legal action against author Andrew Morton who is considering writing a book about the happy family. Mr Morton, best known for writing books about the Princess of Wales and Monica Lewinsky said, "I wrote about Diana because she was the People's Princess. I wrote about Monica because she was the President's Mistress. Now I am writing about the Beckhams because they cause so much distress".

New law to stop thin women
The Government wants to introduce a new law that would effectively ban thin women. The Minister for Women Tessa Jowell wants the media (including The Daily Harbinger) to stop printing pictures of waifs in order to ease the pressure on young girls to be thin. From April next year all women under eight stone will be force fed GM crops specially grown to increase weight fast. All diets will be banned and Weight Watchers will be classed as a terrorist organisation. Victoria Spice claims she is thin because she lost weight after her first child. The Government is also looking at the possibility of banning pregnancy too just in case it does make women thinner.

Sport: England return home
The England football team returned home yesterday from Belgium. And the only member of the party who could raise a smile was coach Kevin Keegan - but then he is going back to work for ITV for money. Phil Neville looked particularly hard done by, but then he did give away a penalty in the dying seconds of English football. David Beckham remained silent and did nothing very interesting, but we thought we'd better mention him as this is the Beckham's Special edition of The Daily Harbinger.

 
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INSULT index
The INSULT index was extremely fat and smelly. A bit like you.

CORRECTION
In the late edition of yesterday's Daily Harbinger we ran a story claiming that the man who writes the Correction Column had died. This was incorrect and we apologise for any embarrassment or inconvenience caused.

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