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The Daily Harbinger
Thu 29 June 2000 The Harbinger Archive


There'll be no weather. It's taking the day off to attend a family funeral.

From Monday all traffic except taxis must go anticlockwise round roundabouts.

Lucky scratchcard numbers
Today's winning scratchcard numbers are:
7, 24, 76 and 3.45


Mel Gibson talks exclusively to The Daily Harbinger about compost.






GMC 'under the weather'
The General Medical Council (GMC), which regulates doctors, has been taken ill. The council has been under a lot of pressure lately following a number of scandals, including serial killer Harold Shipman and disgraced gynaecologist Rodney Ledward. It is expected that the GMC will be told to take an aspirin and come back if the symptoms continue. Little comfort to the families of incompetent doctors.

Swaying bridge our own fault
Engineers looking into the reason why the Millennium Bridge in London swayed say that the problem was caused by "synchronised walking". Now further tests are to be carried out to see if this human phenomenon could be responsible for other engineering and natural problems. Already research in Japan has shown that synchronised swimming is the main cause of tidal waves, while synchronised snoring caused earthquakes. One scientist in America suggests we all leave the planet before "something really bad happens".

X-rayted lorries
The Government, in its infinite wisdom, has ordered scanners that can x-ray humans stowed in lorries. The order for the machines is said to run into millions of pounds, but a spokesperson for the Prime Minister said, "This will kill two birds with one stone. We will be able to detect illegal immigrants coming into the country through our ports. While at the same time we will be able to vastly reduce hospital waiting lists by sending lorry loads of patients to be x-rayed at the same time."

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BEER index
The BEER index closed down seven pints on yesterday.

In yesterday's Scottish edition of The Daily Harbinger, in the article about sexual fantasies among Scottish Parliament Members, we misspelt the word 'Haggis'.








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