There'll be no
weather. It's taking the day off to attend a family funeral.
From Monday all
traffic except taxis must go anticlockwise round roundabouts.
Today's winning scratchcard numbers are:
7, 24, 76 and 3.45
Mel Gibson talks exclusively to The Daily
Harbinger about compost.
General Medical Council (GMC), which regulates doctors, has been taken
ill. The council has been under a lot of pressure lately following a number
of scandals, including serial killer Harold Shipman and disgraced gynaecologist
Rodney Ledward. It is expected that the GMC will be told to take an aspirin
and come back if the symptoms continue. Little comfort to the families
of incompetent doctors.
bridge our own fault
looking into the reason why the Millennium Bridge in London swayed say
that the problem was caused by "synchronised walking". Now further
tests are to be carried out to see if this human phenomenon could be responsible
for other engineering and natural problems. Already research in Japan
has shown that synchronised swimming is the main cause of tidal waves,
while synchronised snoring caused earthquakes. One scientist in America
suggests we all leave the planet before "something really bad happens".
The Government, in its infinite wisdom, has ordered
scanners that can x-ray
humans stowed in lorries. The order for the
machines is said to run into millions of pounds, but a spokesperson for
the Prime Minister said, "This will kill two birds with one stone.
We will be able to detect illegal immigrants coming into the country through
our ports. While at the same time we will be able to vastly reduce hospital
waiting lists by sending lorry loads of patients to be x-rayed at the
The BEER index closed down seven pints on yesterday.
In yesterday's Scottish edition of The Daily
Harbinger, in the article about sexual fantasies among Scottish
Parliament Members, we misspelt the word 'Haggis'.