Sorry about the
weekend. Perhaps we can do a little better this week. Or then again....
It's the only
way to get around.
Read the true story of a man lost and
alone in the world of rubber tyre recycling and how he overcame
his allergy of fish to become one of this country's leading herbalists.
Birt to advise on crime
The former Director General of the BBC, Lord (John) Birt, has accepted
a post offered by the Prime Minister to act as an advisor for the Government
on crime. Lord Birt, who has no previous experience of law and order said,
"What I plan to do is to split criminals up into two sections. Criminal
One and Criminal Two. All the serious hardened criminals would be a Criminal
Two, while Criminal One would be for more entertaining criminals. Long
term I propose that we introduce digital criminals - Criminals Choice,
Criminals Play, with old criminals allowed to offend again as Criminals
Gold. Everyone in the country would have to pay to have criminals and
this would be known as the Criminal Licence." When asked about how
he proposed to stamp out crime Lord Birt said, "We could bring back
Noel Edmunds and Mr Blobby, that'd stop 'em".
banned from Harrods
of the Queen, formally known as Prince, has been banned from shopping
at Harrods. Prince Philip often used to pop down to the Brompton Road
store for a packet of fags and a National Lottery Lucky Dip. But this
latest move by Harrods boss Mohamed al-Fayed is sure to knock the Prince's
nose out of joint. Mr al-Fayed is happy for other members of the Royal
family to shop there and a spokesperson for The Palace said that the Queen
is likely to send the Queen Mother down for a penny mix-up and forty B+H
on a Saturday night.
needs a holiday
The Liberal Democrat Leader, Charles Kennedy, has
said that the Prime Minister Tony Blair should take a holiday. "The
man is knackered and should get away for a few weeks". It's thought
that Mr Kennedy kinds words are a red herring and that he is planning
a coup while "the big man" is away.
The SOCKS index closed with only one point. The other
point was 'lost in the wash'.
In last Thursday's Daily Harbinger we inadvertently
printed a full stop on the third line of the second story. Hey,
these things just happen, OK?