Poor not on Internet
The poor are being left behind as more and more people in the UK log on to the Internet, according to new figures. The data released from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) shows that the homeless are the worst hit. But help is at hand as the Government intend to to make 100,000 refurbished computers available for lease or purchase for low-income families. Not much use then to the homeless who won't have anywhere to plug them in.

Fatty restaurants looking a bit sick
The Fatty Arbuckles chain of US-style diners has gone into receivership and most will close. The store, named after the film actor, Fatty Arbuckle, was popular - but evidently not popular enough. Now other shops and eating houses named after famous film stars are worried that Fatty's may start a trend. A spokesperson for the Harrison Ford motor dealers said, "We're not too worried about it, but I think the likes of the Danny La Rue Pizza-While-You-Wait chain will go before too long".

Oil seed rape attack
A six acre crop of genetically modified oilseed has been raped in an attack in Gloucestershire. Police said the incident, at Wold End Farm, Chipping Campden, took place over the weekend and is sick. A spokesperson for Gloucestershire Police said, "People who do this sort of thing want locking up and castrating. Crop rape is a growing crime in the UK and is thought to have started in Italy where acres of Virgin Olives were ruined".