Steel workers face the axe
Workers at the country's biggest steel company are facing the axe. The Anglo-Dutch firm Corus is expected to show the chopper to up to 1,200 people, that's on top of 1,400 that saw it last month. Corus have factories at Scunthorpe in North Lincolnshire and in Middlesborough. Michael Leahy, general secretary of the Iron and Steel Trades Confederation said, "The funny thing about all this is that sooner or later there'll be no one left here to make all these axes."

Hooligans' days are numbered
MPs have backed emergency legislation aimed at cracking down on football hooliganism abroad. The Home Secretary Jack Straw said, "There has been a steady decline in acts of hooliganism in this country over the past couple of years. All our thugs want to go abroad. We'll this is one type of export we plan to stamp out. As British citizens we have the right to be beaten up and abused at football matches without having to travel onto the continent. Football violence is coming home".

Barclays to punish late payers
Customers of Barclays bank face punishment if they run up large debts or make late payments. Martin Binder, head of personal lending at Barclays said, "It will be about how the customer has handled their accounts with us. We're here to make as much money as we can and if the customer is constantly running up debts we'll simply break their legs". The government's review of the banking industry, the Cruikshank report, has already said that this type of business management would lead to more jobs as the banks would need to hire 'firms' to 'deal' with the bad customers.