That big bright
thing in the sky is called the Sun. Enjoy it while you can.
First left, then
take the second on the right. Go as far as the pub on the corner
and turn left. Carry on until you pass an Off-licence and then make
a sharp left just after the zebra crossing. Number seven is just
on the left.
Why does Danny DeVito only eat onions
on a Thursday? The Daily Harbinger, where we ask the questions that
A number of people have been arrested after 300 demonstrators attacked
a GM maze crop in Over Compton near Sherborne, Dorset. The maize has been
genetically modified so that it can arrest anyone tampering with it. "It's
a sort of Citizen's Arrest, only by maize", said one local farmer.
A spokesperson for the protesters said, "With GM modification they
can make the maize, which is usually quite happy to sway quietly in the
wind, become aggressive and start arresting people left, right and centre.
We were just having a peaceful demo. The maize started it. I'll have you
say that a male contraceptive pill has proved 100% effective in tests.
The new pill, which is taken by men rather than women, was developed by
a Dutch firm called Organon. A spokesperson for Organon said, "It
works really well. After clinical trials none of the men wanted to have
sex as they were too busy worrying about where all the blood was coming
from every month".
George Best's doctor has appealed to Britain's bar
staff to refuse to serve the soccer legend a drink in order to help him
beat his alcohol addiction. Professor Roger Williams has been treating
Best for a serious liver condition. "If he comes into your bar asking
for a drink, tell him to bugger off. Tell him you know who he is and you
don't want the likes of him coming round here getting drunk and beating
everyone at table football. Sod off home", he said.
The OUTSIDE index closed seven points down on last week
amid rumours that it was planning a merger with INSIDE.
Sorry, we got it totally wrong again.