Highs and lows.
Some buses will
be running late and a couple of trains will be cancelled.
Tomorrow in your Daily Harbinger, Jerry
Springer speaks exclusively about the f&$£" 8!#)&^
$£(*&^ $£"!(*& ^%$£^. Don't miss
bobbies on the beat
The home secretary, Jack Straw has announced that he will put an extra
4,000 police officers on the street. The street in question is Appleton
Road in Crewe. Mr Straw said, "The police are at the sharp end of the
fight against crime and disorder. By putting 4,000 extra officers on the
street in Crewe it will send a very clear message to the criminal element
of our society that we, as a New Labour Government, haven't got a bloody
clue what we're doing".
like a Dame
Shrilly Bassey, best known for a comedy sketch on TV with Morecambe and
Wise, has been made a Dame Commander by the Queen at a ceremony in Buckingham
Palace. "I've no idea what a Dame Commander is", said Ms Bassey.
A spokesperson for Buckingham Palace said, "The Queen doesn't know
either, but she's happy to hand them out willy nilly to anyone these days.
For pitys sake, we even had Barbara Windsor in here this morning claiming
to be a relative of the Queen and demanding a gong. HRH shut her up with
a quick MBE."
stops for bomb
Residents of the British Isles could have easily thought
that the whole country was grinding to a halt yesterday as police in London
found a bomb near a railway line. TV and radio news reports suggested
that the whole country had come to a stand still, while in reality only
people in the capital were effected. Elsewhere there was a pretty nasty
accident on the M6, but no one seemed to bothered about that because it
wasn't in London.
The PAH! index closed in a state of disbelief.
In yesterday's Daily Harbinger we stated that
the Spice Girls would be talking exclusively to us about something
or other. This of course was a repeat of the promise in the previous
day's issue, which also turned out to be factually incorrect.