St Ivor, patron
saint of farts.
of the day
car now or I'll punch you in the face", Prince Charles speaking
to a little old lady who's blocked his driveway.
Tomorrow only in your Daily Harbinger
Harry Endfield speaks about the time he missed his bus home.
The government is to introduce legal limits on the number of "spin doctors"
it employs and to make them subject to a code of conduct. A spokesperson
for the Government said, "We plan to set up a new group to regulate
spin doctors, who from August the first will be known as General Spin
Practitioners and have the letters Dr in front of their names." But
leading GSP Alastair Campbell seemed a little subdued at the idea, he
said, "This is exactly the way Britain should be moving forward.
Once again the New Labour Government has showed that it is well and truly
in tune with public opinion. I think that it's fantastic and the Tory's
would never have thought of it".
looking at ways to overhaul the law on sexual offences has been published.
Some of the proposals include dropping the offence of indecent exposure
while homosexual displays of public affection like holding hands and kissing
could be decriminalised. A spokesperson who really doesn't like some of
the changes planned said, "It wouldn't be safe to go out for fear
of seeing every Tom and Harry exposing themselves, not to mention Dick.
Has the world gone mad?"
The Speaker of the House of Commons, Betty
Boothroyd, has made her farewell speech to
MPs in the House of Commons. She told a packed house, "I think I
speak for the whole country when I say that you are all a bunch of commoners.
If I could just make one little suggestion," she continued, "and
I think again I am not speaking out of turn, I would say that, hand on
heart and without fear of contradiction, I honestly believe," she
went on, "that the whole process of government, and I'm talking about
the process of government here, would be speeded up," she went on
further, "if MPs, and I think you know who you are, would refrain
from waffling and get straight to the preverbal point".
The PARDON index closed er, what was that? Down? Did
you say it closed down? I said down down, but what did you say?
Speak up a bit.
Look, every now and again we get something wrong,
but that doesn't mean that it happens everyday. Take yesterday for
instance. Perfect, apart from the story in the late edition that
omitted the words "as big as a donkey's" from the story
about Tony Blair.