St Arnold, patron
saint of cat's litter.
of the day
and say that again fatso" - Tony Blair to John Prescott following
Mr Prescott's suggestion that Tony Blair was 'past it'.
Tomorrow only in your Daily Harbinger
- Saturday madness as we bring you exclusive pictures of someone
you've never heard of eating a bowl of porridge.
to get new theme park
An unused dome shaped building in London is to be turned into a place
of entertainment by a Japanese backed company. The site, which was built
for a snip at £758million, will be magically transformed into a
place where people will want to go and will be based on the theme of Europe.
Attractions planned include: The Euro Ride - jump on board (when
the time is right) and watch your money disappear into foreign banks,
The Italian Surprise - as you are being shown to your seats watch
the surprise on women's faces as they get their bottoms pinched, And The
Brits Abroad Ride - have your quiet evening stroll ruined by genuine
pissed up thugs who will happily smash glasses at your feet and throw
tables at each other because "we won the war".
for Education has written to every head teacher in England telling them
to discourage children from using mobile phones on health grounds. A spokesperson
for the Department for Education said, "Although research has proved
inconclusive as to whether the kids are at risk from radiation, I think
that we should indulge in some scaremongering and add extra pressures
onto teachers as, let's face it, they get very long holidays, unlike me,
who only has four weeks a year off, one of which I have to take at Christmas".
The Government is to give the National Health Service
a kick up the arse with a massive investment of 'billions' over the next
ten years. Prime Minister Tony Blair, who has been ill a couple of time
in his life, said, "We are going to redesign the health service system
around the needs of the individual patient. If Mr Wilson needs to get
up in the middle of the night to have a pee, I want a nurse there to lend
a hand. If Mrs Patel wants to have her heart transplant done at home,
then I say - why not." Mr Blair also announced that children aged four
to six in infant schools will receive a free piece of fruit. It will be
a grape and they will get it on the last Friday of the Summer Term.
The CAMOUFLAGE index can't be found at the moment.
In some later editions of yesterday's Harbinger
the special pull out section on 'Sex and how to do it twenty times
in one night' was replaced with a recipe card 'One hundred things
to make with flour'. We hope that this didn't spoil anyone's evening.