writer is really a woman
Harbinger on Sunday can exclusively reveal that Peter Poster the
leading headline writer is in fact a woman. The news will send shockwaves
through the newspaper industry as for many years Mr Poster has been
a part-time stripper in a London lap dancing club close to Fleet
out of fresh milk
A small shop in Derbyshire has completely sold
out of fresh milk. The owner, who wishes to remain anonymous, said,
"We had a bit of an unexpected rush last night and I sold the
last pint to Mrs Graham".
leak at a water plant in Wales means that householders are being
asked to do nothing. A spokesperson for the company said, a small
hole appeared in the roof of one of our storage tanks which meant
water was getting in. But as we only store rain water in the tank
it doesn't seem to be a problem.
Man's head shrunk
A man is to sue a leading shampoo manufacturer after
his head shrunk while he was washing his hair. The man, who'd rather not
be named, but can easily be recognised by his unusually small head, said,
"I started washing my hair as normal but then I heard a kind of creaking
noise. Whey my wife came into the bathroom she hardly knew me as my head
had shrunk by about 8 inches". A spokesperson for the shampoo manufacturer
said, "We've never heard anything so stupid in all our lives. He
must be on drugs or something".
Jam doughnut in
A jam doughnut,
wanted by the police for a series of brutal crimes, is thought to be behind
a bank raid in Merseyside. The robbery took place in Bootle on Friday
afternoon when a gang of various pastries burst in and demanded money.
Security cameras failed to identify all of the gang but the police say
that the raid had all the hallmarks of the the notorious jam doughnut.
A reward is being offered for any information which may lead to the arrest
of the gang. A spokesperson for Merseyside Police said, "He's a nasty
piece of work and the sooner we get him the better it will be for all
of us. We're just not safe while this doughnut is on the loose".
famous actor has died at his home in Surrey. He was 76. The actor, who
appeared in a number of films that starred names like, James Stewart,
Gene Kelly and Lawrence Olivier, was often seen sitting at a bar or walking
down a street or driving a cab. Regarded by many as the greatest actor
they'd never heard of, he was one of those people who'd you see and recognise,
but hadn't got a clue from where. Tributes have been paid by a number
of cinematic stars, including Bob Hope, who said, "He was an actors
actor. The kind of guy you looked up to. He was a true great of Hollywood...
what was his name again? And you're sure I worked with him?"
small child has got their finger stuck up their nose. A spokesperson
for the local hospital said, "Their mother had warned them
that this would happen, but did they listen? No. We're doing all
A middle aged woman from Lancashire had
a bit of a shock when her portable radio answered back. She was
listening to a heated debate about something or other when she shouted
at the radio. The wireless immediately told her to" shut up
and mind her own business".
the weekend weather. Now let me see. Ah yes, I know. Rain.