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The Harbinger on Sunday
30 July 2000 The Harbinger Archive
Fruit and vegetable Special
In briefs

Pear and banana in sex change row
A pear and a banana are to have sex changes on the NHS. It is thought that this will be the first time these fruit will have undergone such an operation, although it is known that a grape was given a sex-change in Brazil in 1989. A spokesperson for some do-good organisation said that the operations were "a total waste of money".

Headline writer to sue
Peter Poster the leading headline writer is to sue the Harbinger on Sunday for remarks we printed about his private life. Mr Poster said, "They just print lie after lie after lie and I'm fed up of it". A spokesperson for the Harbinger Group said, Mr Poster is a bitter and twisted moron. His breath smells, he's living off the wages of a prostitute and he's sleeping with sheep".

 
 

Kennedy fruit shot
An apple that resembled former US President J F Kennedy has been assassinated while opening a coffee bar in Dallas. The French Golden Delicious apple had been specially flown to America as part of a publicity stunt by the owners of the new coffee bar. But there had been widespread objections to the fruit being allowed into the country with many people suggesting that a cabbage found in Florida also resembling Kennedy would have been more appropriate. A carrot has been arrested.

Woman's ear stolen
Police are appealing to members of the public to be on the lookout for an ear following a raid on a market in Derbyshire. The ear, described as "just your average ear", was stolen from a woman buying fish from one of the stalls. A spokesperson for Derbyshire Police said, "Nothing else was stolen in the raid and we are the public to be on the lookout for the ear and call us if anyone tries to sell them an ear cheap in a pub or something". The woman is said to be shocked and told the Harbinger On Sunday, "I've had my bag snatched a couple of times and someone took my car once, I guess I must just be unlucky."

Obituary
The death has been announced. He was 78. Born in 1922, he lived all his life, right up to the end, when it stopped. He'd been ill for sometime and it turns out that the illness was fatal. He will be sadly missed by those who knew him, but others don't really care. The funeral will take place now that the old bugger is dead.

 
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Man falls over cushion
A man is recovering in hospital after he tripped over a cushion left on the lounge floor by his three year old son, Kelvin. He's not thought to be in a serious condition but when he gets home there will be hell to pay.

New mountain found
Climbers in North Wales have discovered a new mountain. The climbers, all from Spain, say that the previously undiscovered mountain is between Rhyl and Mostyn on the North Wales coast. No further details are available.

Weekend Weather
The weekend weather is still on holiday but will be back next week.

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