| In
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Pear and
banana in sex change row
A pear and a banana are to have sex changes
on the NHS. It is thought that this will be the first time these
fruit will have undergone such an operation, although it is known
that a grape was given a sex-change in Brazil in 1989. A spokesperson
for some do-good organisation said that the operations were "a
total waste of money".
Headline
writer to sue
Peter
Poster the leading headline writer is to sue the Harbinger on Sunday
for remarks we printed about his private life. Mr Poster said, "They
just print lie after lie after lie and I'm fed up of it". A
spokesperson for the Harbinger Group said, Mr Poster is a bitter
and twisted moron. His breath smells, he's living off the wages
of a prostitute and he's sleeping with sheep".
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Kennedy fruit shot
An apple that resembled former US President J F Kennedy
has been assassinated while opening a coffee bar in Dallas. The French
Golden Delicious apple had been specially flown to America as part of
a publicity stunt by the owners of the new coffee bar. But there had been
widespread objections to the fruit being allowed into the country with
many people suggesting that a cabbage found in Florida also resembling
Kennedy would have been more appropriate. A carrot has been arrested.
Woman's ear stolen
Police are
appealing to members of the public to be on the lookout for an ear following
a raid on a market in Derbyshire. The ear, described as "just your
average ear", was stolen from a woman buying fish from one of the
stalls. A spokesperson for Derbyshire Police said, "Nothing else
was stolen in the raid and we are the public to be on the lookout for
the ear and call us if anyone tries to sell them an ear cheap in a pub
or something". The woman is said to be shocked and told the Harbinger
On Sunday, "I've had my bag snatched a couple of times and someone
took my car once, I guess I must just be unlucky."
Obituary
The death
has been announced. He was 78. Born in 1922, he lived all his life, right
up to the end, when it stopped. He'd been ill for sometime and it turns
out that the illness was fatal. He will be sadly missed by those who knew
him, but others don't really care. The funeral will take place now that
the old bugger is dead.
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Man falls
over cushion
A man is recovering in hospital after he tripped
over a cushion left on the lounge floor by his three year old son,
Kelvin. He's not thought to be in a serious condition but when he
gets home there will be hell to pay.
New
mountain found
Climbers in North Wales have discovered
a new mountain. The climbers, all from Spain, say that the previously
undiscovered mountain is between Rhyl and Mostyn on the North Wales
coast. No further details are available.
Weekend
Weather
The
weekend weather is still on holiday but will be back next week.
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