of the day
St Shirley, patron
saint of wax strips.
seen my bloody cape?"
Actor Christopher Lee
We name and shame all those people who
bought Stairway to Heaven by Rolf Harris.
sails into trouble again
Eric Abbott, the so called sailor, has fallen fowl of his worst enemy,
the sea, again. In yesterday's Daily Harbinger we reported that Thick
Eric had been rescued by lifeboats six times. Well he really managed to
pulled out all the stops and made it seven when he ran aground at Rhyl.
Eric, who uses roadmaps to navigate, said, "I was looking for a motorway
service station but seemed to have beached my boat at some scruffy Welsh
village." A spokesperson for the Holyhead Coastguard said, "He
shouldn't be allowed in a boat again. Next time we'll let the daft bastard
drown, in fact I think we should just drown him now."
4 television has launched a huge publicity drive following allegations
that a member of the Big Brother 'family' had smuggled a mobile phone
into the house. Ten sad people had been selected to live together in a
house watched by other sad people all over the world via the internet
as an experiment in getting big viewing figures. But a spokesperson for
Channel 4 said, "The figures dipped a bit so we thought we'd better
get a good story in the press and we came up with the mobile phone idea".
It's thought the whole Big Brother thing is a hoax and the people are
not really in the house but the cameras are watching actor rehearsing
- look it up
The word 'Cybersquatting' has been included in the
new Oxford dictionary. Other new words include: White-van man, Combat
trousers and WAP phones. A spokesperson for the Oxford Compact English
Dictionary said, "I love finding new words to include. 'Scroon',
'pijjle' and 'opopo' are not real words but should be. 'Tit' is a real
word but shouldn't be and 'phganggong' is one of those words that sound
as though it should be something nasty but is actually a misspelling of
the word 'wart'.
Did the SARCASTIC index close yesterday? No it went on
a barge trip in the Norfolk Broads.
Due to 'pressures away from work', the employee
responsible for uploading yesterday's issue was not able to carry
out his duties. One or two 'problems at home' were to blame. This
is the first time he has failed to do his job properly in his long
career at the Harbinger. Those of you who missed yesterday's edition
can still see it via our archive. We all make the odd little mistake
and no real harm was done.
A vacancy has just come up for a webpage uploader
at the Daily Harbinger. No previous experience is necessary. Apply
to usual address.