of the day
St Rodney, patron
saint of belly button fluff.
who threw the starched thong?"
Singer Tom Jones
tomorrow's new look Harbinger On Sunday...
More news and your own week in forty words
has Yank not Brit
The pop star Madonna has given birth to her second baby in America not
the UK. Describing hospitals over here as "old and Victorian", the slapper
said, "I like efficiency. Hospitals in the UK just don't provide the kind
of service a woman with my looks and money come to expect. Nope, I'll
wanted my baby in the States, thank you very much, but I will return to
England to collect Child Benefit and to give the child a good free education".
A spokesperson for the Department of Health said, "I hope the brat
teethes early and shreds her nipples, the cheeky bitch."
firm to sell petrol online
internet site is to be launched next year allowing motorists the chance
to buy petrol online. A spokesperson for a big computer company said,
"This is fantastic news for all. Motorists will make a saving of
around 3p a litre. The only down side is that it will cost around seven
million pounds per customer to have the pipework installed in to their
homes." Already other companies are looking at ways of cashing in
on the idea and ideas so far floated include online massages, online swimming
and online chiropody.
continue to rip the heart out of Britain
High street bank Barclays is to take over it's rival
The Woolwich in a bid to put a further 1,000 people on the dole and close
branches. Barclays chief executive Matthew Barrett said, "We simply
ran out of branches to close. So this merger not only gives us the opportunity
to close 100 more it also means we can get rid of around 1,000 employees."
Chairman of Barclays, Sir Peter Middleton said, "Earlier this year
we closed 170 of our branches. I know that was a hard pill to swallow
for some, but I bet they didn't expect this".
The EXPLETIVE index closed six bastard points down at
456 point sodding 7.
Snow White slept with only six of the dwarfs
not seven as reported in some editions of yesterday's Harbinger.