of the day
St Linda, patron
saint of white dog muck.
bloody Bic has run out."
Writer Barbara Cartland
Sex and drugs and rock and roll. Tokens
handed people are not right
A top union says that Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI) is more common among
people who are left-handed. The GMB union says that the problem arises
because equipment is designed for use by right-handed people. A spokesperson
for all left handed people in the world said, "We're just sick of
it all. We want a fair deal for a left hand. Let's face it, without your
left hand you'd be lost. You wouldn't be able to cut meat, clap or pick
your nose properly." A spokesperson for the British Medical Council
said, "The simple answer would be for schools to teach children how
to use both hands. I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous".
good for education - official
at Reading University say that watching television could help you pass
your exams. The researchers say students who had watched TV, had a coffee
and eaten some peanuts shortly before taking an IQ test did better than
those who read a book or completed a crossword. The only drawback was
that half way through the test they started singing the theme tune to
Blue Peter, needed to go to the toilet and farted a lot, putting off the
other students in the test. A spokesperson for Reading University said,
"I'm sorry but we haven't got anyone here at the moment who can comment.
Can you call back in the morning?"
The chief inspector of schools, Chris Woodhead, says
Universities that offer degrees in unimportant subjects are making a mockery
of the whole education system. Mr Woodhead said, "It is our job to
degrade the education system and we don't need any help from Universities
with courses such as Pig enterprise management, Knitwear, Beer making
or Contemporary circus." Mr Woodhead, who is a Bachelor of Arse Licking
went on to say, "This simple truth has so far eluded politicians, who
have sacrificed the integrity of vocational training on the altar of vacuous
theoretical convolution", to which he received a chorus of "What
the bloody hell are you on about you tosser?" from the waiting press.
The GOLF index closed six under par.
In last Monday's Harbinger we omitted to say
that this Monday's Harbinger would not be printed. We're sorry about
that and are only too pleased to put the record straight.