of the day
St Niles, patron
saint of pickled eggs.
two. One,two. Is this mic on?"
Singer Victoria Beckham
Free BMW with every other copy.
See other copy.
The European Commission has banned exports of English pigs following an
outbreak of swine fever in East Anglia. A Ministry of Agriculture spokesman
said the EU Commission's ban was not surprising. "I often wonder
if they would ban our MEPs from travelling abroad if they had so much
as a cold", he said. Swine fever is a viral disease that is lethal
to pigs but harmless to humans, unless they're from Runcorn.
crime bad for environment
of closed-circuit television cameras in town centres has led to a rise
in crimes in villages and other parts of the countryside. A spokesperson
for the criminal population said, "The introduction of these cameras
is discriminatory. We now have to travel into the country to do our work
and that's bad for the environment as we have to use cars (stolen of course)
because the public transport system in the country is terrible. And to
make matters worse a lot of rural banks and post offices are closing,
which means that we have to travel even further if we want to do a cash
job." The Government are now looking at ways of putting a camera
on every tree in the country.
The puppet Basil Brush is to return to television
after a twenty year break. Basil, who is a fox that talks and says things
like, "Boom Boom" and "Hurty Gerty from number thirty".
Many adults grew up with Basil as he was never off the TV. Now a whole
new generation will grow to love the cheeky little fox. A spokesperson
for Basil Brush said, "He's a puppet. A man sits on the floor and
has his hand shoved up the bottom of him. It must be very uncomfortable,
but the children love it. The puppet that is, not having a hand shoved
up their bottoms, unless they're from Runcorn."
The DOG index closed early as it started making love
to the leg of a businessman from Leeds.
Yesterday's Harbinger was published after all.
Sorry about that.