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The Daily Harbinger
Thu 3 August 2000 The Harbinger Archive

Saint Day

St Ethel, patron saint of chewing gum left under a desk.

Quote of the day
"Oi, shut your bloody mouth up or I'll sing."
Michael Caine speaking to Prince Philip at a Royal Premier



Tomorrow only in your Daily Harbinger - We ask, why do birds suddenly appear everytime you are near. Is it because you have a pocket full of seed?






Shock wedding for Brown
The Chancellor Gordon Brown and his girlfriend Sarah Macaulay are to marry today amid speculation that they were forced into it by Tony Blair keen to direct attention away from his own family. A spokesperson for Mr Brown said, "The couple are absolutely delighted at the news. They were hoping to avoid all the publicity but the cat is now out of the bag so we can expect another media circus". A spokesperson for Miss Maculay said, "Gordon has a great body and works out every night. Last night for instance he worked out that he could afford to add another penny on the price of a gallon of petrol". The couple have been courting since 1994, but it's not known for sure if they have done 'it' yet.

McDonald's in court over hot drinks
The fast food chain McDonald's has found itself in hot water over the temperature of its drinks. The court action will argue that McDonald's knowingly served tea and coffee at dangerously high temperatures. The case come just weeks before they are due to appear in court accused of serving buns with hamburgers in them and jam doughnuts with a sticky red sweet stuff inside.

Pet passports scheme extended
The scheme that allows pets to travel abroad with their owners without having to spend months in quarantine is to be extended. From January pets will be allowed to travel on their own so long as they can prove that they have somewhere to stay while abroad. A spokesperson for the Department of Education and Employment said, "This has nothing at all to do with us. I think you must have the wrong department".

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Of course Blackpool is in Lancashire and not New South Wales as mentioned in yesterday's article about crappy places to visit.











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