of the day
St Shelly, patron
saint of very small people called Nigel.
fancy a kebab and chips tonight dear?"
Tomorrow only in your Daily Harbinger
- Your complete guide to the weekend starting with one minute past
midnight and taking you through to 23.59 on Sunday.
now on honeymoon
Mr and Mrs Gordon Brown have begun married life together with a holiday
in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. After the wedding at Mr Brown's home in Scotland,
the happy couple posed for photographers before setting off to America
to consummate the marriage. But the Prime Minister Tony Blair and his
wife Cherie did not attend the service as they feared that they too might
be photographed. A spokesperson for Mr Brown said, "The couple are
really happy. I've never seen two people more in love. Ah, I remember
my wedding. The sun was shining and I felt on top of the world. My wife,
God bless her, was really horny that night and I remember....".
tests for drivers
suspected of taking drugs are to be given new roadside tests by the police.
The tests include making drivers stand on one leg and touching their noses
with their eyes closed. But already the new tests have sparked controversy.
A spokesperson for the Institute of Advanced Motorists said, "This
is madness. I would say that the majority of people would find it difficult
to touch the end of their nose with their leg." Richard Brunstrom,
a spokesman for the Association of Chief Police Officers, said, "One
of the easiest ways to spot a driver who's on drugs is the telltale Doors
tape in the cassette player".
news for jobs
The Internet bank, Egg, has announced plans to create
1,500 jobs in Derby. The bank, which currently has over one million customers,
takes it's name from the oval thing that drops out of the backside of
a chicken. A spokesperson for Egg said, "This is cracking news. The
company is still in an embryonic stage but from here on in it will be
poultry in motion". We would like to point out that the spokesperson
was sacked a few minutes after speaking to us.
The PUCE index closed down 564 as it was feeling a little
In yesterday's story about Cher, the correct
caption for the main picture should have read "Cher likes to