of the day
St Victor, patron
saint of bad smells.
no idea what I'm going to buy with all these book tokens."
Tomorrow only in your Harbinger On Sunday
- Ben Elton talks openly about buying frozen peas.
The News of the World is to abandon its "name and shame" campaign against
paedophiles following pressure from the Daily Harbinger. A spokesperson
for the News of the World said, "We've milked it for all we can."
The campaign had caused a number of do-gooders to take the law into their
own hands and attack people, some of which we mistaken for paedophiles
pictured in the rag. The spokesperson went on to say, "We have decided
to discontinue the naming procedure under which we identified with photographs
convicted paedophiles in the newspaper. Instead we've got something else
up our sleaze, er sorry I mean sleeve. Watch this space". It's expected
that no one will buy the News of the World on Sunday.
book for kids
charity is to publish a controversial sex booklet for teenagers which
shows how to grope and start foreplay. The book, that was first published
in 1991 suggests different sex positions and includes cartoons showing
teenagers having sex. A spokesperson for people who don't like this sort
of thing said, "Sex is for grown-ups. You don't see us playing computer
games or revising for exams, so why should children be allowed to do this
sort of thing." A spokesperson for teenagers said, "Show us
The Queen Mother, who is 100 years and one day old,
was touched yesterday in London. A spokeswoman for the Queen Mum said,
"She was touched by the many people on the route from Clarence House
and outside Buckingham Palace". Members of the Royal family don't usually
liked be touched by commoners but this was a "special occasion".
All those that did manage to touch the QM we're photographed and will
be named in a special 'Geriphile - We Name And Shame" pullout section
of the News of the World on Sunday.
The PMT index closed either up or down and to be frank,
just now I don't care either way, just leave me alone.
In yesterday's Daily Harbinger we didn't mention
the Queen Mother once. To make up for it we will publish a bumper
royal special for her 200th.