of the day
St Bob, patron
saint of leaky shoes.
these new slippers are smashing."
Dame Thora Hurd
TO MONDAY'S CROSSWORD
carrots means baby girls
Scientists from Nottingham University say that vegetarians are more likely
to give birth to girls rather than boys. But the research was poo-pooed
by Catherine Collins, of the British Dietetic Association. She said, "It's
bollocks. Everyone knows that little girls are made of sugar and spice,
not asparagus tips and falafel beans. These scientist are talking through
their proverbial arses." But a spokesperson for Nottingham University
said, "Ms Collins is just jealous that she didn't find out this amazing
fact first. She can't accept that her parents probably preferred red kidney
beans to red meat. We're right and she's wrong, so there".
to dead actor
who didn't even know Sir Alec Guinness, who died at the weekend aged 86,
have continued to pay tribute to him. Guinness, who was named after a
popular Irish drink, was very good at acting. A spokesperson from the
hospital where he died said, "He was acting right up to the very
end. He was doing us his version of the death scene from The Wicker Man
and so it was some time before we realised that he'd actually 'gone'.
It was a brilliant performance, so real and so lifelike. The man was a
true pro and it was fitting for him to die - it's what he would have wanted."
'name and shame' hospitals
The Government has "named and shamed" seven English
NHS hospital trusts where it says patients face long waiting lists for
treatment. The photographs of the seven trusts were printed in the London
Evening Standard. Within hours a hospital trust up north somewhere that
looked similar to one of the photographs was attacked by an angry mob
of vigilantes. A spokesperson for the Government said, "It's OK for
us to name and who or what we want, but we're dead against anyone else
doing it and will condemn it at every level."
The BIG index closed down six points
Sorry we seemed to have got the wrong end of
the stick with the story about free sex in Bristol.