week in forty words or less
Why all the fuss
about Tony Blair and his holiday snaps? Last year I took a picture
of my girlfriend in Brighton and none of the national newspapers
would touch it.
Colin Reid, Shrewsbury
chance that daft the sailor Eric Abbot could help us win the Blue
Ribbon? He must be the Eddie the Eagle of sailing.
Jane Walsh, Birmingham UK
Send us your
week in forty words or less and we might even feature it.
The head of the Scottish Qualifications Association, Ron Tuck has resigned.
Mr Tuck was responsible for issuing exam results, but there's been a bit
of a cock-up as hundreds of pupils had not received their results on time
while hundreds more had been given the wrong results. Mr Tuck said, "I
accept full responsibility for the difficulties which have arisen in the
issue of this year's certificates. I screwed up big time, but I'm the
sort of guy who, when the shit hits the fan, is not afraid to say that
it's my shit." Mr Tuck is now expected to open a series of small
shops in schools throughout the UK.
takes blame for war
of Coventry has said that religion should face the fact that it is the
biggest cause of war and carnage in the world. Speaking at a peace conference
for 100 Christian leaders from all over the world, the Right Reverend
Colin Bennetts said, "If God had wanted us to kill each other he
would have given us the knowledge to make guns and missiles and Hitler.
If God had wanted a peaceful planet he would have given us doves and CND
and Joni Mitchell. But as God gave us all these things then we must assume
that God hasn't got a bloody clue what he's doing. Perhaps now is the
time for a new deity and I vote for Barbara Streisand." The Bishop
was then led away surrounded by a cheering crowd of papal assassins.
in the arse
A load of innocent grouse, who hadn't harmed anyone
in their lives, found out the hard way that guns can kill. Yesterday was
the 'Glorious 12th', the start of the grouse-hunting season. But a spokesperson
for people who like hunting live animals said, "It looks like it's
going to be another poor year. The number of grouse in this country is
falling. Can't figure it out, perhaps they're dying out or something."
SUNDAY SMUT The Harbinger digs the dirt on the rich and famous.
News this week that Charlie Dimmock has been seen in
bed with Alan Titmarsh actually turned out to be a flower bed. But
it's still not clear if he gave her one.
This week the TV is a Phillips with a 32 inch