Royal family not to be evicted
The Government's threat to evict the Royal Family from Buckingham Palace seems to have been averted. It had been thought that The Queen and Prince Phillip would have to move into rented accommodation after MP Mo Mowlam suggested that the Palace was too big for the both of them and they should perhaps live in a bungalow in North Wales. But in a change of heart the Prime Minister has intervened and has said that Mo Molam was "talking through her arse".

Guidelines published over thingy
New guidelines on the way the media, including The Daily Harbinger, cover stories about a certain member of the Royal Family will be outlined by the Press Complaints Commission (PCC) today. The chairman of the PCC has drawn up guidelines on how we can report stories about this particular member of the Royal family, including not mentioning him (if it is a him) at all if we can help it.

Party pooper
The Home Secretary, Jack Straw, is to call on councils in England and Wales to crack down on loutish behaviour and nuisance neighbours. The move comes just months after the Government encouraged us all to have street parties and play very loud music and party to all hours of the night in our own homes to celebrate the birth of the new Millennium. But now they've had a change of heart and see the 'zero' tolerance move as a vote winner. Mr Straw said, "People are sick and tired of youths running wild on our streets and next door neighbours creating havoc. We want everyone in bed by 9 o'clock and all those naughty people to stop being bad."