GMC 'under the weather'
The General Medical Council (GMC), which regulates doctors, has been taken ill. The council has been under a lot of pressure lately following a number of scandals, including serial killer Harold Shipman and disgraced gynaecologist Rodney Ledward. It is expected that the GMC will be told to take an aspirin and come back if the symptoms continue. Little comfort to the families of incompetent doctors.

Swaying bridge our own fault
Engineers looking into the reason why the Millennium Bridge in London swayed say that the problem was caused by "synchronised walking". Now further tests are to be carried out to see if this human phenomenon could be responsible for other engineering and natural problems. Already research in Japan has shown that synchronised swimming is the main cause of tidal waves, while synchronised snoring caused earthquakes. One scientist in America suggests we all leave the planet before "something really bad happens".

X-rayted lorries
The Government, in its infinite wisdom, has ordered scanners that can x-ray humans stowed in lorries. The order for the machines is said to run into millions of pounds, but a spokesperson for the Prime Minister said, "This will kill two birds with one stone. We will be able to detect illegal immigrants coming into the country through our ports. While at the same time we will be able to vastly reduce hospital waiting lists by sending lorry loads of patients to be x-rayed at the same time."