Strong pound could cost jobs
The strong pound has put thousands of jobs at Nissan's Sunderland car plant in doubt, according to the firm's president. Carlos Ghosn said, "The pound just walked into the car plant on Thursday and started pushing the workers around and picking fights with the management. Something should be done about it".

Cereal sneezer
A man who sneezed continuously for more than thirty years has solved the problem - he is allergic to muesli. Patrick Webster, from Bournemouth tried for years to find out what was causing the sneezing, "A doctor thought I was allergic to myself", he said. Now Mr Webster has given up muesli and told The Daily Harbinger, "All is well now, but I now suffer from constipation". You just can't please some people.

Chicken film opens
A film about plasticine chickens opens at cinemas across the country today. 'Chicken Run', starring the voice of Mel Gibson, was filmed entirely on location at a battery farm in Yorkshire and is expected to increase the sales of Kentucky Fried Chicken, Scotch Eggs and plasticine. A spokesperson for KFC said, "This is like having a free advert. We have tried dipping some plasticine in our special coating and deep frying it, but it tasted just like our chicken and with plasticine being a lot more expensive than chicken, our customers will just have to have the real thing". A spokeschicken was not available for comment.