Give us your cash
The Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has said that rowdy yobs should be taken to cash machines and made to withdraw up to a hundred pounds in 'on-the-spot' fines by the police. But already there are fears that groups of vigilantes will roam the streets looking for trouble makers and demanding cash from the hooligans under present citizen arrest legislation. Mr Blair said, "Bizarrely, as the law stands, the police have the power in Britain to levy on-the-spot fines for dog fouling. Perhaps all dogs should have a bank account and be walked briskly to the nearest cash point and made to pay".

Crimewatch and see how to do it
A leading criminologist, Martin Gill, says that crooks are watching the BBC TV programme, Crimewatch, to get tips on how to carry out their crimes. Mr Gill says, "Robbers watching the programme realise that the cameras used in banks are poor quality and that most of the time time the police haven't got a clue who's carried out the crime". Now the BBC is planning a host of new spin-off programmes, including Murderwatch, Shopliftingwatch and Stealingpensandpaperfromtheofficewatch, which will be shown on BBC Choice in the Autumn.

Big boost for World Cup hopes
England's fine record of sporting achievement was further enhanced yesterday with the news that it looks certain we will not host the 2006 World Cup. A leaked report from FIFA, international football's governing body, said that England's facilities are not as good as Germany's or South Africa's.
Meanwhile in another sport, England's cricketers let the country down badly by dismissing the West Indies for just 54 runs at Lords. But all is not lost as the Windies are expected to stuff us today.