Queen takes pay freeze
The Queen will have to tighten her royal belt for another ten years as she's agreed to a pay freeze. The Prime Minister, Tony Blair, said that that the Queen would have to get by on just £7.9m a year. A spokesperson for The Queen said, "It's going to be tough on her nibs, I'm sure she'll feel the pinch. She'll just have to cut back on some of the little luxuries like Imperial Leather soap and Philip will have to switch from the Stella to something like Bud Ice. But they'll be fine".

Blair wants leaks plugged
The Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has warned ministers they will be fired if they are found guilty of leaking. A spokesperson for Downing Street, who wished to remain anonymous said, "It's getting out of hand. People are talking off the record left, right and liberal. Don't quote me on this, but, this is only the beginning. Tony has just about had it up to here with leaks. And who can blame him?"

Police say getting tough is their job not the PMs
Police chiefs have told the Prime Minister, Tony Blair, to keep his nose out of their business. Sir John Evans, president of the Association of Chief Police Officers speaking at their national conference told Mr Blair that his 'get tough' policy went too far and that the police are more than capable of being the tough guys. And anyway they have the batons and CS gas to prove it.