Speaker to stop speaking
The House of Commons Speaker Betty Boothroyd is to loose her voice at the end of the summer. Best known for saying "Order", the 70-year-old former dancer will be pronouncing "Last Orders" as she retires after eight years trying to keep the rowdy MPs under control. Ms Boothroyd said, "Be happy for me!" as the chamber burst into a spontaneous round of applause which didn't go down very well with the Speaker as clapping in The House is regarded as "unparliamentary behaviour" and Ms Boothroyd may now be sacked for allowing it to happen.

Bum job
The Prime Minister Tony Blair has denied he is suffering an "annus horribilis". Addressing a bunch of journalists Mr Blair said, "It's poor Cherie who's suffered a bit downstairs since the baby was born. My bottom is very well thank you very much". The PM went on to tell the gathered press that his government had delivered on its first priority - sound economic management, but none of them were listening because they were still laughing at his comments about his wife's arse.

The Dome Office
The two ministers responsible for the Millennium Dome have admitted that the government got the number of visitors the attraction could expect badly wrong. Culture Secretary Chris Smith and Dome minister Lord Falconer told MPs on the Commons Culture Committee that they originally expected "lots and lots", but as it has turned out the Dome is only getting "lots". Lord Falconer said, "We obviously got it wrong, but it's quite difficult to estimate how many people will come to what is a very crappy event."