PM unhappy at another leak
There's more egg on the face of the Prime Minister Tony Blair following the leak of yet another memo. The memo was written by Peter Gould, one of the PM's closest advisors and expressed Mr Gould's fears that New Labour was crap and would loose loads of seats at the next General Election. A spokesperson for Mr Gould said, "Mr Gould is a close advisor to Mr Blair and he is going to suggest that Mr Blair does everything in his powers to divert attention away from this damaging leak. He will advise him to declare war on Russia and appoint Lady Thatcher as leader of the War Office".

M&S sales up- or are they?
Sales at Marks and Spencer stores in Britain have risen 6% in the first four months of the financial year and say that credit card transactions now account for more than 10% of all trade. This means that sales are actually down 4% if you look at it from the point of view that people using their credit cards aren't actually buying the goods but borrowing them from their credit card company - or if you take the 10% as a whole against total sales then M&S are trading at 90%. Add this figure to the retail price index and deduct VAT and we reckon that Marks and Spencer owe us all £3.27.

Another party for Queen Mum
Another day and another party for the Queen Mum who should be 100 if she makes it to her next birthday. The latest party is taking place today in London, of all places. A spokesperson for the Queen Mother said, "The Queen has two birthdays every year so why shouldn't the Queen Mum have more than one party. The chances are she won't be having many more". Guest of honour at the party will be the Queen Mother's pet corgis who will do a ceremonial pee on a specially made cake".