Spin on this
The government is to introduce legal limits on the number of "spin doctors" it employs and to make them subject to a code of conduct. A spokesperson for the Government said, "We plan to set up a new group to regulate spin doctors, who from August the first will be known as General Spin Practitioners and have the letters Dr in front of their names." But leading GSP Alastair Campbell seemed a little subdued at the idea, he said, "This is exactly the way Britain should be moving forward. Once again the New Labour Government has showed that it is well and truly in tune with public opinion. I think that it's fantastic and the Tory's would never have thought of it".

Blue report
A blueprint looking at ways to overhaul the law on sexual offences has been published. Some of the proposals include dropping the offence of indecent exposure while homosexual displays of public affection like holding hands and kissing could be decriminalised. A spokesperson who really doesn't like some of the changes planned said, "It wouldn't be safe to go out for fear of seeing every Tom and Harry exposing themselves, not to mention Dick. Has the world gone mad?"

Last say
The Speaker of the House of Commons, Betty Boothroyd, has made her farewell speech to MPs in the House of Commons. She told a packed house, "I think I speak for the whole country when I say that you are all a bunch of commoners. If I could just make one little suggestion," she continued, "and I think again I am not speaking out of turn, I would say that, hand on heart and without fear of contradiction, I honestly believe," she went on, "that the whole process of government, and I'm talking about the process of government here, would be speeded up," she went on further, "if MPs, and I think you know who you are, would refrain from waffling and get straight to the preverbal point".