Man's head shrunk in wash
A man is to sue a leading shampoo manufacturer after his head shrunk while he was washing his hair. The man, who'd rather not be named, but can easily be recognised by his unusually small head, said, "I started washing my hair as normal but then I heard a kind of creaking noise. Whey my wife came into the bathroom she hardly knew me as my head had shrunk by about 8 inches". A spokesperson for the shampoo manufacturer said, "We've never heard anything so stupid in all our lives. He must be on drugs or something".

Jam doughnut in bank raid
A jam doughnut, wanted by the police for a series of brutal crimes, is thought to be behind a bank raid in Merseyside. The robbery took place in Bootle on Friday afternoon when a gang of various pastries burst in and demanded money. Security cameras failed to identify all of the gang but the police say that the raid had all the hallmarks of the the notorious jam doughnut. A reward is being offered for any information which may lead to the arrest of the gang. A spokesperson for Merseyside Police said, "He's a nasty piece of work and the sooner we get him the better it will be for all of us. We're just not safe while this doughnut is on the loose".

Obituary
An almost famous actor has died at his home in Surrey. He was 76. The actor, who appeared in a number of films that starred names like, James Stewart, Gene Kelly and Lawrence Olivier, was often seen sitting at a bar or walking down a street or driving a cab. Regarded by many as the greatest actor they'd never heard of, he was one of those people who'd you see and recognise, but hadn't got a clue from where. Tributes have been paid by a number of cinematic stars, including Bob Hope, who said, "He was an actors actor. The kind of guy you looked up to. He was a true great of Hollywood... what was his name again? And you're sure I worked with him?"