Lost sheep
A small woman has lost her sheep. Bo Peep, was taking her flock to market when they went missing. "I don't know where to find them", she told The Harbinger on Sunday. Police have now begun a nationwide search for the sheep, which are all white, except for one black one. A spokesman for the police said, "I'm sure they'll come home sooner or later". A little boy who lives down the lane has been brought in for questioning.

Biggest ever pizza to be sold is sold
The world biggest ever pizza has been sold at a small shop in Bristol. The pizza, the biggest ever made anywhere in the world, measured two miles in diameter and weighed a hefty sixty tons. Martin Glibb, the owner of the shop where the pizza was sold said, "I didn't even realise we had it for sale. With it being so big, I though it must have been on sale at another shop, but no, it turned out that it was our shop." The pizza was bought by Sarah Parkinson who said, "I distinctively asked for no olives and there were olives all over the thing, so I sent it back and ordered a Chinese instead".

Obituary
A man known to millions is no longer alive. The man, who'd been suffering from terminal veruccas, died noisily at his home in Bolton. A family friend said, "I was with him when he went. It was beautiful. We were playing Scrabble when all of a sudden he put down a seven letter word on a triple word score." A neighbour who was also in the house at the time said, "I challenged the word as I though it only had one 't' in it, but he insisted, so we had to look it up. By the time we found out it was the right spelling, he'd died. It's such a shame as he would have scored 156 points". The funeral is expected to take place.