Dickhead sails into trouble again
Eric Abbott, the so called sailor, has fallen fowl of his worst enemy, the sea, again. In yesterday's Daily Harbinger we reported that Thick Eric had been rescued by lifeboats six times. Well he really managed to pulled out all the stops and made it seven when he ran aground at Rhyl. Eric, who uses roadmaps to navigate, said, "I was looking for a motorway service station but seemed to have beached my boat at some scruffy Welsh village." A spokesperson for the Holyhead Coastguard said, "He shouldn't be allowed in a boat again. Next time we'll let the daft bastard drown, in fact I think we should just drown him now."

Mobile phone probe
Channel 4 television has launched a huge publicity drive following allegations that a member of the Big Brother 'family' had smuggled a mobile phone into the house. Ten sad people had been selected to live together in a house watched by other sad people all over the world via the internet as an experiment in getting big viewing figures. But a spokesperson for Channel 4 said, "The figures dipped a bit so we thought we'd better get a good story in the press and we came up with the mobile phone idea". It's thought the whole Big Brother thing is a hoax and the people are not really in the house but the cameras are watching actor rehearsing for Brookside.

Cybersquatting - look it up
The word 'Cybersquatting' has been included in the new Oxford dictionary. Other new words include: White-van man, Combat trousers and WAP phones. A spokesperson for the Oxford Compact English Dictionary said, "I love finding new words to include. 'Scroon', 'pijjle' and 'opopo' are not real words but should be. 'Tit' is a real word but shouldn't be and 'phganggong' is one of those words that sound as though it should be something nasty but is actually a misspelling of the word 'wart'.