Blair boy not rowdy say Downing Street
Downing Street has denied reports that the prime minister's son, Euan Blair, has been involved in rowdy behaviour at an Italian hotel. Newspapers in Italy reported that Euan,16, and two of his friends were told off by a porter and sent to bed after disturbing guests in the early hours at the Hotel Albergo Bellavista in Rome's Lazio region. A spokesperson for the hotel said, "There wasa alla dissa noise, shouting anna screaming anna running about, butta we were happy to ignore it. Butta whenna their son started it we justa gotta pissed offa." A spokesperson for Downing Street said, "It's all a load of bollocks. Euan is a good lad and has never been in trouble in his life." See "Tony Blair's son arrested for being drunk - at 16."

Country 'gripped' by Big Brother
The whole nation has been gripped by Big Brother fever following endless publicity stunts set up by the Channel 4 programme team. Millions of people have watched the comings and goings of a bunch of people locked up in a house together. Even some daily newspapers and television news programmes have become obsessed with the programme. A spokesperson for The Daily Harbinger said, "It has always been our position not to mention this TV programme in our publication and I think you'll find that I am as good as my word."

'Dead' may feel pain
Leading British anaesthetists say that braindead people may be able to feel pain when their organs are removed for transplanting. In an article for Royal College of Anaesthetists' journal, Anaesthesia, anaesthetists have called for the donors to be given anaesthetics. A spokesperson for the braindead, William Hague, said, "I'm sorry, what was the question again?". A spokesperson for the Royal College of Anaesthetists said, "I know these patients are dead and as such can't feel any pain, but we have evidence to show that perhaps they do feel pain and so..., in theory..., may not be... er, um... can I get back to you on this."