Stirling performance by Widdecombe
The Shadow home secretary Ann Widdecombe, who thinks that the Labour Party can do nothing right, has been caught on a police camera travelling at ten miles per hour above the speed limit. Ms 'Stirling Moss' Widdecombe, who's well known for her loud 'tuts' whenever someone else breaks the law, was said to be 'embarrassed'. A spokesperson for the Conservative Party said, "She feels this big, although she's actually this big. She's been daft, she knows she's been daft and knowing Ann like I do, she'll carry on being daft. She's very embarrassed by the whole thing, so much so that she's taken herself off to Singapore to get away from all the bad press this will no doubt generate".

New piping record
Ten thousand bagpipers and drummers have found their way into the record books by playing bagpipes and drums. It was the poor people of Edinburgh who had to put up with the bloody racket as grown men, some dressed in kilts, marched up and down playing and puffing and drumming various tunes that somehow all seemed to merge into one. Even the Prince of Wales turned up to see what the row was. He told reporters, "I've got a God awful splitting headache after Gran's Birthday bash last night and this bloody noise isn't helping one bit". A spokesperson for the pipers and drummers said, "I'm sorry I didn't hear the question, you'll have to speak up a little as I can't hear you over these bloody pipers and drummers".

Blairs arrive in Italy for holiday
A spokesperson for the Harbinger on Sunday said, "Who cares?".