No change in interest rate
The Bank of England is to announced that there is no change in the interest rate. A spokesperson for the bank (I think it was a woman) said: "People's level of interest in day to day matters seems to be about the same. There are some indications that people are losing interest in politics but not a significant amount to effect the overall interest rate".

PM to bore pants off WI
Prime Minister Tony Blair is to address delegates at the Women's Institute Conference at Wembley today. Mr Blair is expected to tell the women that he believes in 'old British values' and that they should all be at home cooking their husband's tea and not wasting their time swanning around London doing 'womanly' things. He is also expected to be pelted with eggs, tomatoes and a rather nice risotto made by Mrs Mavis Harpur.

Arise Sir Norman's cap
Norman Wisdom's cap has been Knighted at Buckingham Palace. A spokesperson for the Queen said: "One has always found the funny little man.. er funny. His flat cap has always raised a laugh in the Palace and deserved the gong." When asked about Mr Wisdom himself, the spokesperson said, "Oh, I thought he was dead".